Learning to Love Again

All the parts of me that crave constant affirmation, crave you.

Almost as though you and unattainable things were one in the same.

I think I only want what I can’t have. What doesn’t want me back.

What feels absent like my father and emotionally confusing like my mom. What feels familiar, damn near like home.

Reparenting myself means relearning how to love. How to have a different rubric for relational success. Taking the lessons and repurposing the pain.

One day, I won’t want you at all…or at least I’ll want you differently. In a way not intermingled with self doubt and insecurity.

All the parts of me that crave safety and reassurance, craved you. Still do, some days.

One day, when I stop desiring you and your validation, I will finally know I’ve finally learned to love again and again.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus. — Rev. 20:22